a monday full of nothing

hey hey hey, and howdy do. hope everyone is recovering nicely from whatever thanksgiving type activities you found yourselves engaged in this weekend. i personally recovered by sleeping til damn near 5 pm today. what a day it was. hence the late post. and as i come over here to post, i start to think, what the hell am i gonna chat about today? i mean, there really hasn't been a goddamn thing of super interest that's happened.

i mean, i've got great stories to share, like the one about the congressman admitting his guilt (shocking), a few no brainer inductees to the rock and roll hall of fame (if anyone actually cares) and then there's the one about the girl who died from kissing her boyfriend. it should be known that ladies, god will strike you down if you whore it up. or, if you're oddly allergic to peanuts to some sort of insane degree. but one way or another, he will getcha!

today, i suppose, is as good a day as any to air some grievances. or, more to the point, burning feuds that i'm aware of, but sadly may be the only one aware of them. i've noticed how little i've hated on people/things so far in this blog. well, todays the day that all changes. hopefully i'll have some sort of specifics to give right now, but chances are good it'll just be me yelling like a madman for no reason. either way it should be fun, so here we go...

gamespy.com is the worst fucking gaming info website on the internet. sweet fuck. it is just a worthless piece of shit eating up webspace for no reason. i go there out of habit still, nightly, looking for some sort of info on ANYTHING. instead, nightly i get NOTHING. go ahead and click that link there, and check out their big fucking "line in the sand" bullshit. go ahead. enjoy. the fucking xbox 360 came out a week ago. review copies of games have been out for weeks. but hey, don't let any of that make you think they've got their reviews done. also, don't let the fact that they are, by definition, a website devoted to video games and, in turn, reviewing them. please, don't let that kinda "little stuff" worry you. they'll get to it when they get to it. and they'll be fucking damned if things like "demand", or "timeliness", or oh, i don't know, "doing your fucking job" get in the way of them delivering the best product they can. which i suppose is a great way to go about doing your business, creating the best product possible. the only problem w/ that is that once gamespy gets their fucking shit up, months later, their writing, analytical skills and discerning tastes make for the worst goddamn reviews/articles/"jokes" you can find on sites of this nature. so kudos to you, gamespy.com, for really taking a stand and drawing that line in the sand, and in no way making excuses for your horribly shitty site.

while we're on video games, lets move from review sites to that which is the "webcomic." sure, a webcomic can be of any genre, but i tend to mostly see/read those about video games. in fact, i'm not honestly sure i could even think of a non gaming related one off the top of my head. but that's not the point here, the point here is that ctrl+alt+del is the gamespy.com of gaming webcomics. holy shit, i seriously don't know where to begin. i happend across this site, ah...let's say around a year ago, at least now. i think that penny arcade linked to it, and at this point i cannot even begin to imagine why. other than to maybe give a newer site a chance at succeeding and throwing a few hundred thousand readers it's way, i can't figure it out. it's one of the few black eyes in the history of penny arcade. to even mention the two sites in the same sentence feels wrong.

see, the thing penny arcade does, as well as others out there, happen to be funny. and then to top that off, well drawn. the combination of penny arcade's awesome strips, and it's hilarious and often times informative "news" posts make is one hell of a site. "cad" does neither of those. this asshole who runs the site, "tim", has a fucking tin ear for dialogue. and not in a george lucas way, where yes, it's fucking retarded and sucks, but damn it's attractive to look at, and at one point something good actually came from this. "cad" sounds like someone who thought they were funny in highschool, went to college and arrived the first day w/ a new "nickname" that "all my friends call me." he then proceeded to hang out w/ a bunch of weird kids, of which he was the funniest, which isn't saying much. somehow he ended up deciding that was enough to make a career out of it, and here we are. and it's as if the strip itself isn't funny on a daily basis, he so often drags these "storylines" of his out over fucking weeks. what was shit to begin w/ but something that you could glance at and move on, now becomes a task that you have to stick w/ for weeks at a time until he finally unveils the "punchline." it's just god awful. then his posts are the stuff shit is made of. lengthy, whiney, unfunny groupings of text. it's like the strip, only w/o pictures to look at, and, you know, more shittier. yes. more. shittier.

the art itself isn't terrible, just not up to par w/ the rest of the strips, out there (again, penny arcade, pvp, applegeeks). and if you're gonna do "original artwork" then fucking make it original. if you learned to draw by tracing gabe and tycho, stick w/ a sprite based comic. and maybe you hadn't noticed, but penny arcade realized div wasn't funny quite some time ago, so feel free to cut loose zeke at any time. hell, feel free to cut them all loose. or find someone who is moderately funny. or at the very least write strips that don't go one more than three strips. it's called cutting your losses. chances are it won't be funny everytime (or anytime in your case), so make it short and sweet and move on. sadly, his utter lack of imagination seems to keep him from being able to think up more than one topic a month. solid work. be sure to catch up on this blockbuster event happening now before it goes away, sometime next march. a love story that has apparently turned into a robbery of sorts, i don't know. it's just awesome. i also think it may have been going since august. that's quite the estimate, i know, but something really makes me want to say august. and it's not like there's some sort of system launch or anything like that, full of new games and "next gen." but no, you go ahead and get us ready for what i'm sure will be one hell of a "winter-een-mas" (or whatever the fuck it's called, pretty sure that's it though) novel this year. keep 'em coming, it's all gold.

now, i know, i'm gonna hear about how i'm just helping him out by still going to his site, and mentioning it's name and all that shit. and trust me, i don't want to do it. but this fucker now has the audacity to go ahead and try to line his pockets and stroke his ego to a degree than i cannot accept while sitting idly by. this assfuck is setting up a (surprise!) penny arcade style "expo"/function. now this i will not link to, though it's shouldn't be hard to find your way to it if you so desire (shouldn't be, but probably will be after a day on that well managed site). sure enough it will be a "sellout" because come on, he's selling 750 total tickets. 750!! total! and that will allow him to be "blown away" that "so many of you" want to spend time w/ him. yeah, we got it. "so many" people "love" you. amazing. i could sell 750 tickets to a fucking bris, and i'm not fucking jewish! i'm not sure if that made any sense, but it sounded good in my head and i'm sticking w/ it! and i'm cutting my losses and moving to the next statement! anyway, i just cannot condone this gathering of his, even though it's pretty much down the street when compared to other events like this. hell, this jackass is apparently down the street. you would think him being in (i'm not sure he's from, so much as he's in) connecticut would earn him some points in my book. it did for about a week. now it angers me even more.

so that's that. and i know i brought up penny arcade a few times in there, but please don't get confused and think i'm angry that he's "not penny arcade." that's not the problem. the problem is that he's "not good." at all.

man, that really went on there. that's because i've been wanting to mention it for weeks now and i just kept forgetting. that shit has been marinating for some time now. but that's all, for now...

aight, well, that took much longer than expected. i've got lots more fuckers to shit on, so stay tuned for that. coming up, danza, chris columbus, billy bush, some other fuckers i can't think of right now. but for now, enjoy that. hopefully something of interest will happen in the coming days so i can chat on that, instead of driving myself nuts over these shitty sites. keep shit tight!

stahl